Drum roll please

I have an announcement to make: dot, dot, dot, I've decided to stay another year.

Believe me, it was a frikken tough decision. In fact, one of the toughest I've had to make in my life.

Why?

Sydney has been my home my whole life. I've had a good life in Sydney and it is a great place to live in so many ways- a high standard of living, some beautiful natural scenery, excellent food, a reasonable level of stuff to do, and as a city it is becoming more cultured day by day. But, I have never really connected to it as a home in itself. The reason I think of it as my home is because it has everything that's important to me- in essence, my friends and family, and my future job. Don't get me wrong, I recognise and am so grateful to have been born and brought up in a place which offers a wealth of opportunities. However, if I am honest with what everything inside me says, there is something missing that stops me from embracing it as a place where I feel my heart lies.

These past six months in Oita has taught me a lot. Most significantly, I have gained a greater understanding about who I am and what is important to me.


Something I have unexpectedly discovered is that in my mind, home will always be there, waiting for me.

Leaving everything behind- let alone my love ones, but my sense of what I have been my whole life, and starting practically over has been a challenge to say the least. I've always been someone who gets the greatest satisfaction when I am with the people I care about. Most of my happiest memories involve being with other people, so to come here-- alone, with just me, myself and I-- has been a very confronting.

I've had to rediscover what makes me, me- without this conception influenced by who I am to my friends and family- and what they give to me as a person. Just who I am as a person stripped raw.

One thing I have learnt- which is probably the main reason I am staying here- is the importance of listening to what you mind, body and soul tells you is right for you. OK, I am sounding very "hippyish" here, but I honestly feel this way.

All my life, I've never really craved anything. I mean, the big things- the important things. I like to put in effort into most things I do, and do hold very high expectations of myself. But, I never really set goals to achieve anything for the action within itself. The things I have strived for are: To graduate from high school with a mark that would allow me to get into Sydney University for teaching, to graduate from such degree with good marks, and to pass my teaching interview. That's pretty much it. All related to academics, and my future career. All practical goals related to my livelihood.

Now, the thing I crave is to learn Japanese. I've never felt anything quite like it. It's absolutely addictive. I want to learn so much. And I feel, this is the place I have to be to achieve this goal. At least for a little while.

This dream- to learn Japanese- is not related to my work or livelihood. I'm doing it for me. Because, I have never been so motivated or interested to study anything like this before. Because, I like the feeling I get when I understand something- when something just comes together after working so hard and it just clicks. Because, I feel proud of myself for doing something just because I want to, and, I normally don't posses such a feeling. Because, I want to connect with this part of my cultural heritage- to discover one part of who I am.

Originally, when I came to Oita, I brought over my intentions to live in Japan, teach, and to learn Japanese. My expectations for my time here were somewhat already formed. Little did I know, I would quite like living in a somewhat quaint city, with few shops and a laid-back vibe. I certainly didn't know I would not end up staying primarily for my job, but would stay for everything else that has become my life here.

I've finally settled in- I know my surroundings, I've made some good friends, and I love living in this type of environment.

 
I feel at peace, and I know this is where I am meant to be at this point in my life.

It's unbelievably hard to say all this- because I miss you all back at home so, so much- I can't even express how much. It literally hurts how much I miss you all!

So, I hope you'll understand, and support that I have to do this.

P.S. I'm planning to visit towards the end of the year/Christmas time. Woohoo!